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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven"

"Dad: Did you get gas? Me: Ya i got it on the way home from school Dad: Well if you got gas than you better go to the bathroom!"

"ME: Don't you see, the treasure is our friendship PIRATE: ...Aye ME: P: I cherish ya me matey but honestly ya misled me a tad didn't ya"

"I wish my cocaine was emo so it would cut itself."

"What's the difference between a red bucket and a green spade One is a red bucket and one is a green spade."

"To all you single ladies out there, as winter slowly approaches I am offering you a good high quality man blanket for this winter. Claim me now while supplies last. . ."

"How does Moses get his coffee? He buys it from Starbucks..."

"Did you hear about the pizza cook who died in the pizza oven explosion? They had to peel him off the ceiling."

"ME (a ghost): You know how Bill Nye used to say ""don't try this at home""? Well, I did, and he kicked in the door and shot me in the face."

"Asked my wife if I was going to get a ""tip"" for driving her around today. She laughed and laughed. Apparently so hard, she got a headache."