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Joke of the Day

"LPT: How to meet the man/woman of your dreams. Go to sleep. [Heard this from a friend so not mine and probably not hers]"

"Son: Dad can sand melt? Me putting down my glass: Don't be ridiculous of course it can't"

"Did you hear about the two nuclear scientists who are no longer speaking to each other? They had a falling out..."

"I spend a lot of money at Sephora for someone who's got access to filters"

"You're so void, I bet you think this nothing is about you"

"What's 12 inches long and makes your wife scream all night? Sudden Infant Death Syndrome."

"it's never okay to hit a woman ! wipe her make up and fight her man to man"

"I was a trampoline salesman Off and on."

"I was shopping with my 4yo the other day... when he suddenly exclaimed infront of the hot cashier that ""Daddy has a penis!"" I was so embarrased. Big penis honey, big penis."

"Someone asked me the other day whole my favorite superhero is... I said that I thought iceman was pretty cool"