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Joke of the Day

"double midget jokes god save me When to know to kick a midget's balls? Ans - When he's next to your girlfriend and he says ""Her hair smells nice."" What do you call a midget vampire? Ans - Cocksucker."

"If God doesn't believe in himself... Does that make him an atheist or does he just have low self-esteem?"

"Last year I was quite miserable and depressed, so I made it my new year's resolution to turn that around. Thanks 2016, you helped me achieve my goal and made me depressed and miserable."

"How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb? YOU WEREN'T THERE MAAAAN!!!"

"Her: OMG! The holidays aren't an excuse to stuff your face with whatever edible that crosses your path. Me: I eat like this everyday."

"I fell over a toilet roll display at my local supermarket I cut my leg badly and was rushed to hospital. I said to the doctor, ""what's the damage"" He replied, ""just some torn tissue""."

"You know why birds sing in the mornings? Because they don't have to go to fucking work"

"What is a pedophile's favorite type of shoes? White Vans"

"My soon to be ex-wife just told me I need to face my demons. nnWTF. I was looking right at her."

"How do you get everyone to click on your post? [NSFW] Put [NSFW] in the title."