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Joke of the Day

"'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, there was a grim recognition of the fundamental uselessness of man's endeavors."

"What's the difference between a fish and a guitar? You can't tuna fish!!!"

"me: I know it's over, but can I have one last hug? Please? Him: *moves closer. stops & sniffs* omg are you covered in superglue?"

"So I Organized a three-way last night... There was a couple of no-shows, but overall, it worked out fine."

"What could have been the most stuppidest result of Napolleonic wars if France won? Tsar Napoleon."

"What was the first profession to go all digital? Proctology."

"Feeling pretty tough lately and thinking about joining a gang. Any of you guys need an accountant?"

"Ben Carson is the best sleep walker ever Sometimes he wakes up and finds out he's standing on Republican presidential debate stage."

"How to get Laid: Lay in bed. Wait two hours. Lay becomes past tense."

"What do miss Frizzle and the catholic church have in common? They've both been in little boys."