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Joke of the Day
"What is purple, blue, and white and spits out dad jokes? Reddit"
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"If you ever feel unimportant... Just remember Windows 9"
"I hate it when you're on the bus and the local weirdo get on and sits next to you. You know, the ones that watch you having a wank."
"A curious tradition -- to look at a newborn baby and say to yourself, ""Because of your DNA, one day you will rule over me."""
"Wife: How's the baby? Me: He keeps trying to shove socks thru the mail slot. Wife: Aw. His socks or yours? Me: Socks is the neighbor's cat.."
"I think my family is really going to dig the 15 minute powerpoint I've created of the things I am thankful for at Thanksgiving dinner."
"How do you get 1000 cows into a barn ?? - hold a bingo !!"
"What's black, covered in teeth marks and no longer in use? Philip Seymour Hoffman's belt."
"I think my Waffle House waitress moonlights with AT&T; because I'm getting absolutely no service."
"Dad do you like baked apples? Yes son why? The orchard's on fire."