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Joke of the Day

"Who is this Rorschach guy.... ... and why does he paint all these pictures of my parents fighting?"

"Why did the dog go to the vets? He was pawly. I'm sorry. I'll see myself out."

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator ( )"

"Just spilled beer on my crotch, so to save myself from the embarrassment, I pissed my pants. Can't have people thinking I'm a sloppy drinker"

"Cakeday special - what did the Chinese gangster do? Made him an offer he couldn't understand"

"Zombie Apocalypse has begun... Man, it's hectic out there. I've killed like 6 zombies already. How's everyone else holding up? Anyone know why they all have bags of candy?"

"Stranger: Sir your fly is down... Me: Oh geez! Thanks. *Bends down and picks up fly* Me: He's had some wing issues lately"

"I ate an entire pack of rohypnol last night and it didn't even affect me... Anyway, gotta go. I need to do some last minute Christmas shopping."

"Give a man a fish and he'll go to McDonald's instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald's"

"Wake up your lover by hysterically screaming ""Are you sleeping?!?!"""