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Joke of the Day

"It's not sex until you walk away with a nose bleed, and the Eye Of The Tiger song is still playing in your head."

"Instead of chasing after Taylor Swift, I'm just going to wait until she breaks up with everyone else so I'm all that's left."

"I just fake-went-to-the-bathroom to avoid someone. He followed me in. I don't think the pee noises I'm making with my mouth are working."

"Why does the little mermaid wear seashells? Because B shells are to small and D shells are to big."

"The two most valuable lessons I've learned in life: 1) never reveal everything you know."

"Why was Einstein unable to build a wall? He only had Ein Stein"

"What religion believes in the Big Bang? Islam."

"You know why I like having sex while I'm camping? It's fucking in tents"

"Do you know what the problem with toilets is? They're a pisstake."

"Manager: Twenty teams in the league and you lot finish bottom? Captain: Well it could have been worse. Manager: How? Captain: There could have been more teams in the league!"