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Joke of the Day
"What has blonde hair, blue eyes and tends to ailed animals? A VeterinArian."
Next Joke
"What do you call a deer without an eye? No idear."
"If you wear a ship's captain's hat around, people will just do what you say. I run a Starbucks, a Target, a submarine, and two street gangs."
"37yo husband just bought himself clothes from Hollister. Please keep my family in your thoughts during this difficult time."
"Texting wasn't always easy. In my day, you had to work for it. You had to want it. You need an S? You better click that 7 button FOUR TIMES."
"""I got hoes in different area codes."" - World's most disorganized landscaper."
"They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn't mean to eat it. I don't want to be a bug."
"What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite"
"[Commercial for axes] [A lumberjack swinging a dead goat against a tree in the woods] *Turns to camera* ""There has to be a better way?"""
"These racing car drivers are making a lot of pit stops. You'd think they would have went before the race."