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Joke of the Day

"hey you got a sec? next time someone asks you if you got a sec, you must simply reply"" no i have lots of secs"""

"[OC] Did you hear the political interview in regards to homosexuality? It was hard to get a straight answer."

"I just made your acquaintance, and this is preposterous, but here is my address, perhaps thou shall mail me maybe."

"The great thing about Joan Rivers is No matter who digs her up in a thousand years time, she'll always look surprised to see them."

"Today a woman came into my doctor's office with a sexually transmitted mental illness. She was fucking crazy."

"[at wife's funeral] Son: At least shes in heaven now Me: [delicately places hand on his shoulder] You don't know shit about your mom"

"What do they say about Podiatrists? It's a really big feet to become one. ^Hehehehehe"

"Uranus has been the butt of many jokes. It's the gassiest of all planets."

"A pirate's walking down the beach.... ...when he comes across a little girl. The litter girl says, ""Hey Pirate! Where's your buccaneers??"" The pirate responds, ""tucked inside my buck'n hat!!"""

"Did you hear about the opera singing monk? He took a vow of Pavarotti."