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Joke of the Day

"Why did the semen cross the road? I wore the wrong socks this morning *Edit: Not my joke but haven't seen it here and thought it was funny :)*"

"Do you think maybe humans are gonna evolve with longer arms for selfie purposes?"

"If you hate Capitalism so much, then just write everything in lower case. Problem solved."

"Why can't mites race in NASCAR? Because mites make rights, not lefts."

"I'm a recovering alcoholic! :I'm recovering from last night!"

"I just wrote a check for 6 dollars, so I don't really wanna hear about your 'summer' house."

"You know you're on drugs when you're talking to your kids about drugs and you don't have any kids."

"In this holiday season I really gotta give a shout out to those who've always been around for me. Mr. Chen and his family at the restaurant."

"I have the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the Baltimore Zoo."

"""Can we talk later? The news is on... Well, if you have tuberculosis it's not gonna get any worse in the next 30 minutes, jesus."""