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Joke of the Day

"hey can I use your bathroom? cashier: only paying customers jesus...ok just give me 9 double whoppers with cheese, a chocolate shake, 2-"

"Sorry, I can't delete any of my voicemails cause then people would be able to leave me a new one"

"I know how to get on a flight. Thank you boarding school."

"Charles Dickens' book on wine making, Grape Expectations."

"A San Francisco man is running seven marathons in seven days on seven continents; he's expected to be seven times as annoying about it."

"What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea??? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lentil on my face."

"This is bullshit. I surrender my keys after 8 tequila shots and this cop is all, ""Ma'am, you can't walk down Main Street in your underwear."""

"Don't be racist. Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!"

"How do you get a job with Apple? Be born in China."

"We should rename Reddit to Redpost. Because everything is a repost."