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Joke of the Day

"A lot of the classic ""cool"" behaviors are pretty much just acting like a cat."

"[orders pizza] Would you also like our cheesy bread, comes with sauce? Are you trying to sell me a side of pizza with my pizza? 2 please."

"It was that time of the month. I said to the wife, 'you know, your mouth isn't bleeding...' She replied, 'yours will be if you keep up with that shit'"

"I don't drink any more. Or any less."

"Giving birth is terrible for a cow's hips... ...but it's great for their calves."

"One cool thing about marriage is that when you hate each other, the marriage keeps you together until you like each other again."

"Every year I work my ass off to get the kids what they want for Christmas but then That fat bearded bastard gets all the credit. Mind you, It's my fault I married her."

"If a crackhouse is filled with love, it becomes a crackhome.."

"How do you say virgin in German? Goodentite"

"Gurl, you remind me of a box of chocolates.....(Why?) Cause I want to take your top off."