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Joke of the Day

"got a fake ID w a picture of shrek on it. works everytime. bought ten shrek dvds w it just this morning. lady at the counter didnt say SHIT"

"Photographers are so violent. They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you."

"I said goodbye to everyone at a party and then mistakenly walked into a closet and was too embarrassed to walk back out so I live here now."

"Order a pizza then act confused when it arrives. ""A delivery for Aaron? Aarons DEAD. He DIED ordering a pizza in this house 10 years ago"""

"My friend text me 'what are you doing now?' I replied 'Probably failing my driving test'."

"I'm in Germany. Time to drink precisely one bier (beer) and call every man ""Hans"""

"My father got crushed by a falling piano. His funeral was very low key."

"The hardest part What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The wheel chair"

"Just moisturized my hands and now I can't get out of the bathroom. Send help."

"Why did the picture plead innocent at the trial? It was framed."