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Joke of the Day

"HR says I'm not allowed to scream ""OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP"" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :("

"Collection of totally offensive jokes, not for the faint hearted"

"If you say the words 'beer can' in a British accent, it sounds like you're saying 'bacon' in a Jamaican accent."

"Satan's greatest trick is convincing you he's not real but there's a quality drop-off after that. No. 2 is pretending his thumb is your nose"

"Why didn't the people in the movie Armageddon just hold up a big sheet of paper when the meteor was coming? Paper beats rock..."

"Thank you for calling ELVIS Direct Press 1 for the money 2 for the show"

"Small cars are the best ones Only Smart people will get this"

"I like my women the way I like my coffee. I don't like coffee"

"He and I were best friends and roommates, so sex was never on the table. It was always on the couch, the bed, and the floor. Come on, we *eat* there."

"What kind of cheese is best to watch Lost with? Smoked Muenster."