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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a cow and 9/11? I don't think Bush did a cow..."

"My mom's daughter said it looked like my foot was making a copy of itself I told her that's mitosis"

"Me: I know you from somewhere Jesus: I get that a lot Me: no I'm sure Jesus: just one of those faces Me: [holding arms out] go like this"

"Why does Iraq have no Walmarts? Because there's a Target on every corner."

"What's a fedora tippin neckbeard's favorite country? M'laysia"

"I go to seafood restaurants to show the lobsters in the tank I have a bigger penis than them. Then shrug my shoulders as they boil to death."

"[at wedding] Is there any reason why these two shouldn't be wed? * me yelling * SHE THINKS WOLVERINE COULD BEAT PREDATOR *pianist vomits*"

"What do you call 2 people with identical penises? Doppelwangers"

"What are swearing outdoor grills powered with? Profane tanks."

"A man takes his wife out to dinner one night. The wife says, ""I want you to treat me like a princess."" The husband drives his Mercedes into a wall."