4398

Joke of the Day

"The Blind Man ""Ah, I see,"" said the blind man as he spat into the wind. ""It's all coming back to me now."""

"My dad always told me... Always B sharp and B natural, but never B flat. Safe to say, I'm a terrible musician. Thanks a lot, dad."

"I can't be the only person who hears the phone ringing and says ""oh fuck, what NOW?"""

"I went to my doctor. He said I was overweight. I said I want a second opinion. He said you're ugly too."

"Why are there so many female archaeologist? Bitches love digging up the past"

"My hus thinks I'm getting up early tomorrow to go to the gym to get all sweaty. But what he doesn't know is that my ""gym"" is spelled ""Jim."""

"7 thoughts u have when buzfeed steals ur content -WTF -OMG -Huh -FAIL -LOL -NOPE -why is a multimilion dollar website riping off my twiter"

"Why periods? Why can't mother nature just tweet me and be like ""Waddup girl. You ain't pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to you next month"""

"why didn't the alcoholic become a lawyer? because he couldn't pass the bar"

"Two peanuts are hanging out with the wrong crowd... One was assaulted!"