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Joke of the Day

"How do you tell the teams apart in Amish women's basketball? It's skirts versus shins."

"Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed."

"What are the similarities between hiring a prostitute and bungee jumping? It's both expensive, short and when the rubber snaps you're fucked."

"ALADDIN: i can show you the world JASMINE: wat why. do u kno that there are people out there. why do u think we live ina palace. no thank u"

"Roses are Red, Violets are blue...... who killed harambe? Cincinnati zoo"

"A surgeon turns to his assistant, while operating, and says... ""Hey, it's the right or the left one?"" ""Are you serious?"" ""Just kiddneying!"""

"""The car that was driving slow in front of me turned, I better drive fast now so the cars behind me don't think It was my fault."" Everyone"

"The one Pacifist friend. Pacifist friend: ""Do you want to hear my war-cry?"" *cries his eyes out while watching two dogs fighting*"

"You say tomato, I say that's a weird thing to say for no reason. We were just sitting here quietly, and you're all ""tomato."" You can leave."

"You don't have to write 'Twitter addict' in your bio. Your 58675687K tweets give it up by themselves."