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Joke of the Day

"[Army Shooting Range] Officer: Are you locked & loaded? Soldiers: YES SIR! Officer: You may fire at will! Soldier Named Will: WTF?"

"What's snoop dogg's favorite author? Tolkien."

"There are two types of people in this world. Those that need closure."

"In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them. Now you just delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em to fuck with you."

"I just took the garbage out. In 3D."

"""Do you know what this room needs? At least four paintings of lighthouses!"" white people"

"What's my favorite Jewish star wars character? Jewbacca"

"I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, ""It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."""

"I wasn't sure about having sex with aliens Butt fuck 'et"

"How to tell if someone has Rhotacism? Ask them to pronounce it."