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Joke of the Day

"Went on a trampoline with my 1 year old and learned that if you jump JUST right it unfortunately turns into a baby catapult."

"Attention Girl: Why do you look so sad? Boy explains his whole problem Girl: Oh, that's why you didn't notice my nail paint?"

"I got a new haircut about a week ago. It's starting to grow on me."

"There is no 'I' in 'Denial'"

"The fabric of our lives? Why so epic, Cotton?"

"How do you stop an elephant from charging? Take away its USB cable."

"Last time I saw my boyfriend he was getting on a plane to Helsinki. You might say he vanished into Finnair."

"A cat and a rooster sat by a lake... Suddenly, the cat fell in the water and the rooster laughed. Moral of the story : When there's a wet pussy, there's a happy cock."

"Me: Got a hot date this weekend? Coworker: Ummm...no. Me: I know. I was just reminding you. Coworker...."

"[inventing trees] Angel: what purpose do they serve? God: cats climb em Angel: can they climb back down? God [inventing the fire dept]: nope"