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Joke of the Day

"The term ""Every 60 seconds in Africa , a minute passes"" is stupid Because the majority of Africans don't get seconds , they'll be very lucky if they even get their first servings ."

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"What is the difference between a washing machine and a girl? A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you dump a load in it."
"I keep ringing Screwfix... .. To this day they still insist they're not a matchmaking agency!"
"*chases cat around the house with a lint roller"
"My friend's boyfriend is an optometrist and a sadomasochist. She says he's a real sight for sore eyes even though he can be a pain in the ass."
"BOOK FACT: If you took every book in our store and laid them end to end you would be thrown out by security and banned from returning."
"She said I was average. That's just mean."
"I'm not normally a name-dropper but Tiger Woods asked me to start his car in the dream I just had."
"Favourite pickup line... Did you know there will be 7 planets tomorrow? Because I am going to destroy Uranus tonight."
"Did you hear about the guy who went to Halloween with a potato in his pants? He went as a dictator."