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Joke of the Day

"Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you dont know the man & he doesnt know youre eating his popcorn"

"The only time I seem to be able to count on people is when I nail an abacus to their heads."

"I constantly google ""how to put your kids up for adoption"" so my kids can find it on my search history and know that I'm not messing around."

"What did the gay guy say to his lover when they were going on vacation? ""Hey, can you help me pack my shit?"""

"The USB port on this cat doesn't work."

"Where do you hide after killing a black person? behind a badge"

"what do men with erectile disfunction and nintendo cartridges have in common? It works if you blow it before you put it in."

"A blind man.. Is walking down the street and stumbles upon a fish market With out skipping a beat he says ""good morning ladies!"" *proceeds to play colt 45*"

"Twitter management's favorite part of a book is always Chapter 11"

"What did the farmer say when he heard the town gossiping about his cornfield fire? ""My ears are burning!"""