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Joke of the Day

"Trivia: If you stood every single Starbucks employee around the equator... I would totally steal a white chocolate and raspberry muffin."

"*The most messed up jokes you know* I'll start: What's worse than sucking a dozen raw oysters out of your grandmother's pussy? Sucking out thirteen of them and realizing you only put in a dozen."

"Did you hear about the Brazilian guy who won the lottery? He is now a Brazilianaire."

"I'm starting to feel bullied by all the anti-bullying commercials."

"You know what's better than Tennessee? Elevennessee."

"My brain keeps singing songs I don't even like."

"Q: What's the difference between a horse and the weather? A: One is reined up and the other rains down."

"Are you writing a thank you letter to Grandma like I told you to? Yes Mom. Your handwriting seems very large. Well Grandma's very deaf so I'm writing very loudly."

"I accidentally mixed the I Can't Believe It's Not Butter in with the regular butter and NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE!"

"Michael Jackson was just so innocent and childlike... After a show he'd go home and just blow bubbles..."