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Joke of the Day

"You remind me of my big toe. Mainly, because I am going to bang you on every piece of furniture I own."

"Having trouble finding paper towels. I need a Bounty hunter."

"Don't forget to use social media to say Happy Fathers Day to your father who doesn't use social media and won't see it"

"I sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month on eBay."

"Why doesn't Jesus play basketball? He got crossed up."

"Many people say they have ADD because they can't focus on their homework. It pisses me off. See, I really have ADD, and"

"Why is business good on Easter? Because prophets rise"

"What do you call someone who confuses Emma Stone and Mila Kunis in a movie? A bad judge of character."

"My oldest son & his gf were cooking & asked me how many 1/4 cups are in 1 cup .... Gonna write a nasty letter 2 college & ask for a refund"

"The Three Up's in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut"