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Joke of the Day

"How did the prostitute get a job at the zoo? They heard she could handle a cockatoo."

"How many potatoes a day will make you fat? 00000"

"I got into a fight against three people earlier and managed to knock one out... In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best time to masturbate."

"[In cubicle at work] *pretends to start clipping my nails* *tosses uncooked grains of rice onto co-workers desk with each clip* CW: WTF!"

"Who is the best Native American to have around when you have a cold? The Hanky chief (Yes this is all my own work, I thank you) [No I am not a dad]"

"I want to get one of those LA hats everyone has nowadays When people go to ask me ""hey man, are you from Los Angeles?"" I'll be like ""nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"""

"When Bill Gates feels like a million bucks, he's having a crappy day."

"It's rude to ask probing questions . . . doubly so to alien abductees."

"How did ""Hans Solo"" not catch on as an euphemism for masturbation?"

"The Nationwide commercial didn't make me feel anything but I once dropped my chicken nuggets and cried for an hour and forty minutes."