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Joke of the Day

"I had my wife on all fours last night... As she was telling me to get out from under the bed and fight like a man."

"got so drunk last night that I ate a salad"

"Worst Betrayals in History: - Judas turning on Jesus - Brutus helping to murder Caesar - Verizon guy going to work for Sprint"

"What do you call a hot high school math teacher? Expansion of minors"

"LPT - If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of uncooked rice overnight. The rice will attract Asian people who will then fix your phone. Tried, tested, true"

"Mermaids who never get married eventually accumulate a bunch of catfish."

"Why did the man that drank 10 cups of poisoned Lipton not die? He drank so much poison it built his immuni-tea."

"Just breathe and eat a banana. Everything will be OK."

"In your will, be sure to write you want to be cremated. The night before you die, eat as many popcorn kernels as humanly possible."

"currently washing my balls in the sink while humming that one black eyed peas song because tonight *IS* gonna be a good night."