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Joke of the Day

"""Obama Hires Seahawks Secondary to Intercept Citizen's Texts, Emails"" (Just a fake, Onion-y headline)"

"Why did the hipster burn his tounge? Because he ate his food before it was cool."

"Why do Jews stay home during the summer? They don't like going to camps."

"What do you call a nap in computer science class? A CS-ta"

"The Holy Liar A: ""I dont trust in god."" B: ""You're an atheist? :o"" A: ""No, i think he's a liar."""

"A crime boss works part time selling grass to people in his home city... I went over to his shop and asked if I could help him with his sales. He told me to stay off his turf."

"Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately."

"Doing word problems as a kid as helped me in adulthood. ""Dan doesn't have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"""

"I guess knocking on random dressing room doors in a department store and asking ""hey, can I see how you look?"" is frowned upon."

"Normal Person (being inconvenienced): I deserve better than this Me (being stabbed w/swords): I'm so sorry for getting blood on your swords"