31662

Joke of the Day

"Why did the hipster burn his tounge? Because he ate his food before it was cool."

"I never realized just how much of parenting is surreptitiously throwing away artwork."

"An old guy at the gym told me I looked like his late wife. I'm hoping he meant while she was alive."

"Daughter: Why don't kids at school get my sarcastic humor? Me: Because they have boring parents, darling."

"I'm flying to NYC today and I don't care what the flight attendant says, I will be using my seat cushion as a fartation device."

"Your password must contain 9 letters, a treasure map, Drakes social security # & the sound Marv made on Home Alone when he stepped on a nail"

"Why is food better than men? Because you don't have to wait an hour for seconds."

"A friend of mine offered to tell me a joke using the UDP protocol, but then warned me I might not get it."

"I think Head & Shoulders should have a body wash line called Knees & Toes"

"Wait in a dressing room until an employee comes to ask if they can help. Answer yes, pause, then say, ""But I need to be able to trust you"""