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Joke of the Day

"2 integrals are working out at the gym One asks the other 'What are you doing today?' 2: 'Well, I think I can really push my limits' 1: 'Oh right, are you sure?' 2: 'I'm definite'."

"Everyone's talking about how Shia LaBeouf plagiarized Daniel Clowes, but nobody said anything when Kristen Stewart plagiarized paint drying."

"Made this up at lunch So a man robs a bank with a condom on his head. He then yells: ""This is a Stick-Up!"""

"I'm not racist, but black people sure were nicer before the civil rights movement."

"Why I will never go bungee jumping... I was brought into this world through a broken rubber and I'm not about to be taken out by one."

"Crazy ex girlfriends are like a box of chocolates They'll kill your dog"

"Me: ""Can I have a few extra days off before Christmas?"" Boss: ""It's May."" Me: ""Sorry, may I have a few days off before Christmas?"""

"Cannibal Someone who is fed up with people"

"I'm giving up, folks. Years of letters and phone calls making my case quite articulately but they still won't give the Muppets nipples."

"What do you call a dinosaur that hates punchlines? MY LEGS! OH GOD, HE'S EATING MY LEGS! AAAAARGGHH!"