41404

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up"

"Did you hear the Offspring song about how to store mummies? ""You gotta keep 'em desiccated"""

"MRW when I heard about the Super Fine Bros. thing that's going on. [deleted for trademark infringement]"

"When doesn't a telephone work underwater? When it's wringing wet!"

"I sleep with my grandad's WWII bayonet under my pillow. You never know when someone might break in and start filming Antiques Road Show."

"Hey people who say ""look at our new baby"", thanks for clarifying that because my initial reaction was to ask where you got the used baby"

"There are four things in the world I hate: 1. Racists 2. Mexicans 3. Irony 4. and lists"

"What's the deal with the phrase ""door ajar""? I mean, is it a door or is it a jar?"

"POLICE! OPEN UP, WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE. WELL, WE DON'T KNOW BUT WE'RE KINDA HOPING YOU ARE COS IT WAS A LONG DRIVE & JIM NEEDS TO PEE."

"So I heard Microsoft pulled the plug after their chat robot slung slurs, ripped Obama and denied the Holocaust... I guess there wasn't enough room for two Trumps in the Republican party."