41179

Joke of the Day

"(.)(.) + $$ = ( . )( . )"

"A girl called me the other day and said, ""Come on over, nobody's home""... I went over. Nobody was home"

"I've never been good with 'pick-up' lines I once said to this girl, ""Hey, you get fries with that shake?"" It turns out she had Parkinson's."

"How is marriage like a tornado? At first there is a lot of sucking and blowing, but when it's over your house is gone."

"I like my women how I like my file paper. Ruled, and punched twice near the spine to keep them in line."

"What you're feeling, Republicans, is the ghost of Ted Kennedy's nuts on your chin."

"Squirrels are TV for homeless people"

"I tried write a joke about the Zika virus... [OC] ...but couldn't come up with anything off the top of my head."

"What is the best use for a wet dog?[x-post from /r/MeanJokes] Getting the smell of white people out of your house."

"If I ever build my own house, I'm putting a toilet right in front of the refrigerator."