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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cow with no front legs? Lean Beef"

"I lost my mood ring yesterday I don't know how I feel about it."

"We've replaced Steve's regular coffee with a detailed understanding of the impending heat death of the universe. Let's see if he notices."

"Why couldn't Joe be friends with a double-amputee? Because he's lack-toes intolerant."

"I'm not high! - high people I'm not drunk! - drunk people I'm not lying! - lying people I'm not gay! - my brother"

"If someone says they're going to quit their job to become a stand-up comedian, ... Are you supposed to laugh?"

"An Irish girl tells her mom she decided to be a prostitute. ... her mom says ""A WHAT""?!! The daughter says ""a prostitute"". Then the mom says ""Thank god... I thought you said a Protestant"""

"Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I'd like to bring a guest."

"How do you make stupid children? I don't know, ask your parents."

"Want a pudding pop? I don't give a fuck if you want it or not. Stop crying. You're gonna take this motherfucking pudding pop."