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Joke of the Day

"I think I'm overcoming dyslexia. I learned a new abbreviation today: DNA, or National Dyslexic Association."

"(meeting for naming cereal) ""List the ingredients; maybe we'll get inspired."" ""Honey, bunches of oats"" ""I think we're done here."""

"How do you re-use a condom? Turn it inside out, and shake the fuck out of it."

"For the last time, I don't have any secret prison camps. Anyone who doesn't believe me will be sent to a secret prison camp."

"What's M. Night Shyamalan's favorite flavor of ice cream? Twist"

"Love songs are liars."

"Today is my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Really? Yes I've been married twenty-five times!"

"Daddy is the government going to keep us safe from terrorists? No son, they're busy protecting us from drugs and home made clocks."

"I was close to becoming a rap god. But then 1 day my mom licked her thumb to wipe a smudge off my face as a kid & ruined all my street cred."

"Did you hear about... ...the new WSPA building downtown? The offices are so small, you couldn't swing a cat in there!"