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Joke of the Day

"I met a really cool girl name Helicase, but there's a problem... ... she's always trying to unzip my genes."

"I don't attend funerals, even if I was close with the deceased. I'm just not a mourning person."

"Proposing new subreddit rule No more menstruation jokes. Period."

"Me: One large buttery popcorn please! Him: Ma'am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies... Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR"

"I wish I was getting a divorce. Because it would mean someone once loved me enough to marry me."

"You know what they say about assumptions, right? They say that they are generally wrong."

"Whats the difference between Zoidburg and Snowden? both accused of treason for expressing their freedom but Zoidburg didn't get his marshmallows!"

"What tastes good on pizza but not on pussy? Crust"

"What do you call an aging actor who has finally paid off his house? Mortgage freeman."

"How is American beer similar to having sex in a canoe? It's fucking close to water. (A Canadian just told me this joke)"