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Joke of the Day

"What's the national bird of Pakistan? US Army Drone"

"The first time I got a universal remote control... I thought to myself, ""This changes everything."""

"What do you call a jellyfish on a plane? A flightoplankton."

"What's the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler! ^^^... ^^^I ^^^know, ^^^I ^^^know, ^^^/r/dadjokes ^^^is ^^^thataway"

"[Cruise ship] ""HELP! THIS MAN HAD A HEART ATTACK"" - I think I can help *frantically covers him in all the life vests* cmon do your stuff"

"Kids claim to be such big fans of Mickey Mouse, but you don't see them with an icechest full of Capri Sun tailgating for Disney On Ice."

"What do you call a second hand gold necklace? Recyc-bling (I'm pretty sure I thought of this myself but I used to smoke the Mary Jane a lot so......)"

"Bowtie pasta is the most handsome of all the pastas."

"Women Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they're ugly and they smell bad"

"How did Helen Keller burn her ear off She answered the iron"