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Joke of the Day

"If a girl elongates her words when she's texting me, I know she's down to fuckkkk, developmentally disabled, or bothhhhh."

"Would Bill Cosby make a shitty bartender?"

"What do you call a fisherman who could bait a hook blindfolded, upside down with one hand tied behind his back? A masturbator"

"Something I like to do when I'm voting is tell to turn to the person at the stall next to me and whisper, ""What did you put for number 3?"""

"*dramatically gets out of bean bag chair for 20 minutes*"

"Been a while since I've gone on Spring Break. How many wet T-shirts should I pack?"

"Why don't you buy sunscreen from Steve Irwin? Because it doesn't protect you from harmful rays"

"When my Grandad fell ill the doctor told us to rub olive oil into his back. He went downhill very fast after that."

"What do you call a man who makes fart scented candles? Incense-itive"

"*dims the lights so you look like your selfies*"