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Joke of the Day
"[drive thru] GUY ON INTERCOM: can I help you ME: yeah are you guys open"
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"Why does C. Ronaldo comb his hair every game break? So it won't get too Messi."
"What do 9/10 people enjoy Gang rape. Credit to Jack Whitehall and Bad education."
"If a poison expires, Will it be more poisonous or less poisonous?"
"My kids saw a painting of Jesus & both thought it was Bob Marley. Clearly, I'm going to hell. My kids don't know what Bob Marley looks like"
"I got drunk and woke up in the gutter. This is my sewer side note."
"[girl's night out] WIFE: I'm off then ME: Okay WIFE: Don't do anything obtuse ME: Pfft - give me a break! {5 min later} ME *googling obtuse*"
"How do you ruin a good joke? By posting it over and over on the same subreddit"
"What's Al Qaida's favorite football team? The New York Jets."
"Then Satan said, ""Let's convince everyone they need to go gluten free."" And that kids, was the Christmas fiasco of 2015."