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Joke of the Day

"With a face like that, I think it's a safe to say, life's been handing Renee Zellweger lemons for quite some time."

"Jurassic Park I was watching Jurassic park the other day, when I thought, ""not only does my son have a stupid name, but hes also a shit driver"""

"The truth is out there; it just hasn't been indexed well."

"What's the difference between a guy wearing a bullet proof vest and the English football team? The guy would survive the first round."

"Are the readers of this subreddit mostly men? Who else would consider a couple inches of text to be long?"

"If you had bad legs, why wouldn't you want to be a college professor? Because you never sitty down!"

"How much Blow Can Charlie Sheen Do?.. ..... Enough to kill 2 and 1/2 Men"

"What's up with these strippers not taking my singles??? They must not like Kraft"

"People ask me, ""Matt, how do you do it?"" , ""Matt, what's your secret?"" , ""Matt, why do you make up imaginary interview questions?"""

"You're wrong! I touched second base. I missed third... but I touched second."