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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Tom Brady and Ben Roethlisberger? Tom wants his balls illegally deflated on the field and Ben wants that off the field."

"I can't handle the pressure of competitions. Even in eating races I choke!"

"'What other miracles can you do?' Jesus: I can varnish 'You mean vanish?' J: *running finger over a beautiful oak table* aha, not quite"

"what did the trash can say to the paper recycling bin? 'you're just white trash'"

"What is it called when a blind deaf man commits murder? Senseless Slaughter..."

"Gonna pay my grandma $100 to slip ""Syrian Refugee 1 and 2"" onto the Thanksgiving seating chart to piss off my uncles."

"I named my WIFI after my Ex Girlfriend. I never really connect with it, it's very slow and also because I caught my neighbour using it."

"Why do tweakers do it doggy-style? So they can both look out the window."

"What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was the wall."

"Whats worse than ants in your pants? Your uncle."