39226

Joke of the Day

"What's the best machine to impress women at the gym? The ATM"

"""You've reached 911"" Knock knock ""Sir ple-"" Knock knock ""This is not-"" Knock knock ""ok, who's there?"" Ben ""Ben who"" Ben shot real bad ""NICE"""

"Shopping for insect repellent spray is so sexy.... I always get Off."

"Sometimes I watch Spike TV just to be reassured that I'm not even close to being the biggest asshole in the world."

"Did you know that if everyone in the U.S. donated just one pint of blood, we could pour it over the Statue of Liberty and be hella cool?"

"What do you wear when it's raining homophobia? A straight jacket."

"What do you call an English rock band that is high? THE ROLLING STONED!"

"*Wakes up in Superman's body* Me: Holy crap! I'm finally a hero! *Uses heat vision to re-heat last night's pizza & puts on Netflix*"

"I heard someone proposed a Tupac movie. But it was shot down."

"Obamacare? More like ""Obama? I don't care for that guy!!!"" Honk if you want poor people to die"