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Joke of the Day
"Just like Jesus I can walk on water, if it's cold enough."
Next Joke
"*sends you a pic of a kitten* *you reply, ""Awe""* *face melts* *responds, ""We've been over this already, it's ""Aww""* *deletes your number*"
"How did John Lennon like his Pop Tarts? Strawberry filled forever."
"Whats the hardest part about watching Amy Schumer swim through a pool of dead babies? Knowing she will make a shitty vagina joke about it."
"We met for coffee yada yada yada next thing I know we're in the back of my car covered in lobsters and her dog is driving us to the ER"
"You have to admit that if you saw Santa Claus actually coming down the chimney you'd freak the fuck out, presents or no presents."
"So if I get the job at Walmart,,, do I pull my own teeth out,, or does it happen during orientation ?"
"Yes autocorrect, I was trying to find some 'amazon' weed"
"My question is: how did she manage to forget the result?"
"I was frozen down to absolute zero yesterday... Don't worry, I was 0K."