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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally earned a 3rd degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do the last time a bee flew near my face."

"There's no way witnessing the birth of your child is better than seeing your luggage come out first on the baggage carousel."

"Why will you never see a stag on the internet? They like to stay anony-moose"

"How are a homosexual and a tumbleweed alike? They keep blowing and blowing until they end up on a fence in Wyoming."

"SON: Daddy, where do tweets come from? DAD: Well, son...when a Desire for Validation and a Character Limit love each other very, very much."

"When I was young I wanted to join the basketball team... but the coach said they didn't need more basket balls"

"Terrifying to think that one puff of marijuana can transform your life into a carnival of lies & ultimately, murder."

"I always study the vagina before sex Because I like to know what I'm getting myself into"

"I bought my nephew a drum set because: A) I'm an awesome uncle B) Learning to play an instrument is important C) I hate my sister"

"If it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down. That leaves a wide range of colors I have no idea what to do with."