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Joke of the Day

"""No, I'm fine."" - an angry girlfriend being attacked by lions"

"Why couldn't the potato get off the couch? Because it was baked."

"So I was in sex-ed class when the teacher asked me what comes after 69. Apparently ""70"" was not the correct answer."

"Who never gets his hair wet in the shower? A bald man."

"A blonde was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriends dandruff problem... The redhead says ""why don't you give him head and shoulders."" The blonde replies ""how do you give shoulders?"""

"[Clinic waiting room] Me: WHEN DO WE DO BUTT STUFF??! Nurse: Sir don't shout that! Me: [whispering to old lady next to me] butt stuff. when?"

"America is that sexy classmate everyone had a crush on in high school, not aging that well but you'd still hit it."

"How does it feel to be a famous rock-and-roll musician? Fan-fucking-tastic!"

"I asked my North Korean friend how things were over there. He said he couldn't complain."

"UFC president Dana White called Conor McGregor this morning... He greeted him with ""Buenos Diaz"""