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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his field"

"How do crows know what time is it? They have the knights watch ."

"Wondering why we have 50 candidates for Miss America, but only 2 for president. Also, why no swimsuit competition?"

"Giving my liver a Rocky Balboa style pep talk"

"My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel. I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome."

"If I'm in a public bathroom and someone else in that same bathroom is on the phone and states that they are ANYWHERE ELSE, I flush my toilet"

"Social Media For Drug Dealers It's called instagram"

"How is a vagina like a cigarette? The closer you get to the butt the stronger the taste."

"How can you tell if someone loves bacon? Don't worry, they'll tell you that stupid vegan joke."

"My girlfriend's best friend had her arm stuck in the dirt this morning She asked me how to get her hand out quickly. I told her, ""Dig south for her arm, bae."""