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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend's best friend had her arm stuck in the dirt this morning She asked me how to get her hand out quickly. I told her, ""Dig south for her arm, bae."""

"Confucius say....... ........woman who fly in plane upside down, crack up."

"What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The holocaust."

"When I was child we had to look things up in dictionary or encyclopedia, uphill both ways in the snow"

"Mother Earth: I'm not a regular mom. I'm a Cool Mom. [humans pollute the atmosphere and destroy nature] Earth: This is fine. I'm a Cool Mom"

"What's the difference between a slab of meat and someone who hates high school students? One's protein, the other's anti-teen."

"What did the green light say to the red light? I love you, but I'm sick of yellow light always breaking us up."

"I'm pretty sure Jesus was Italian Because only an Italian mother could think her son was a god. And only an Italian son could think his mother was a virgin."

"hungover at 22: dag gonna be 9 minutes late for work at 39: ...finally, to my faithful cat elroy i leave my cache of nagano '98 olympic pins"

"Yeah, but is it Tyrannosauri Rex or Tyrannosaurus Rexes? *The Jehovahs Witness slams my own door in my face"