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Joke of the Day

"Procrastination is like masturbation: it is fun and feels good but in the end you've only fucked yourself."

"How do you fit 25 Jews in a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 20 in the ashtray"

"I think 50 cent stands a chance against Floyd Mayweather I don't know about 12, But I know 50 cent can take 9 rounds"

"Donald Trump has begun work building a wall between the U.S. and Mexico. It's called the wetback setback."

"You excited to watch the Super Bowl? ""Ya, but only cuz the commercials."" [sounds of man being beaten to death with bowl of chips and dip]"

"I have a bad feeling we're going to pay for Taylor Swift not having a boyfriend on Valentines Day."

"""Honey,can u make the dinner reservations for 3 instead of 2 tonight? Debby's coming"" ""We're not bring ur new chainsaw-"" ""HER NAME'S DEBBY"""

"About women... There's only 1 word beginning with B you should ever call a woman, and that's ""beautiful"" - bitches fucking love being called beautiful."

"My dentist reminded me of my wife's sensitive gag reflex. We laughed & laughed. Then I remembered that my wife & I have different dentists."

"Listening to music can be dangerous... Some of the notes are sharp."