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Joke of the Day

"My brother pointed to his coffee table and said ""those are my new gloves"" He's always making off-hand remarks like that"

"it's almost as if one's education has nothing to do with learning how not to be an idiot"

"Where do swashbuckling turds come from? A pirates booty"

"Yo mama so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!"

"My bunny thumps at trash collectors. Nice to know that if the Sanitation Dept. ever has ill intentions, she won't stand for any of that shit"

"I run a support group for premature ejaculators every Friday at 6. But everybody comes early."

"I remember when I discovered Santa Claus was just my dad I still don't know how he snuck out every year to deliver presents all over the world."

"Samsung users are like... ""Im glad Samsung is finally blowing up."""

"What's it called when a planet orbits its sun 8 times? An orbyte"

"I'm reading a book about poltergeists. It's a real page turner."