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Joke of the Day

"Waterskiing is fun. I wish there were more sports where machines just dragged you around"

"How do you know if an Asian broke into your house? Your math homework's done, your computer is upgraded, and that little shit is still trying to back out of your driveway."

"2 Scientists walk into a bar... The first one tells the bartender, ""I'd like some H2O"" Upon hearing that, the second scientist says, ""I'd like some water too. Jimmy, we're not in the lab anymore..."""

"The reason Latin is a dead language is because they kept accidentally summoning demons during regular conversations"

"What's your ringtone? That's nice, mine's a light shade of brown."

"Why did the zoo close the big cat exhibit? Because they just kept lion around!"

"What does the Italian cat say? Cheow!"

"Next time you order coffee at Starbucks tell them your name is Bueller and then leave the store."

"Do ya know the difference between Scots and Scotch? Ay now. A Scot is a lad that can play the pipes. Scotch is what makes it so that he canna."

"I brought a pet iguana home from the pet store... I think there's something wrong with him because he's very lethargic and I can't get him up. It must be a reptile dysfunction."