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Joke of the Day

"Every day is a new day. For someone with Alzheimer's or Dementia."

"Lee Sin goes into a bar... the chairs, tables and the barmaid."

"How many I.T. workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? none, just upgrade to windows"

"Summing up my life in 5 words: 'I fail at maths'"

"My wife lost interest in sex with me because... ..of my gut, but we still have one thing in common: Neither one of us has seen my dick in years."

"Recently asked my North Korean buddy how it was over there... He said he couldn't complain."

"Diet, Day 14: I hate everyone. My children are scared of me & I've repelled everyone else. But I'm starting to really like pears."

"INTERVIEWER: Would you like a donut? ME: *takes three* I: Um, ok, what's your greatest strength? ME: [grabbing two more donuts] Self-control"

"My voicemail greeting is just me strangling a cat while reading bible passages."

"Awww... -So you love me too?! ...kward"