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Joke of the Day
"There are few things in life as pure and true as a grilled cheese sandwich."
Next Joke
"Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up & play dead and they usually leave you alone."
"MURDERER: [looking for me] You better of hidden well or you're dead ME: [under bed, tears in my eyes] It's better HAVE"
"Mario: I killed all your turtle troops.Bowser: Turtle what?Mario: All the turtles that work for you.Bowser: What turtles?Mario: Uh oh..."
"""slippery when wet"" signs should be on everything."
"[two hours into describing a criminal to a police sketch artist] ...But when he took off the mask, he just looked like a normal guy"
"Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her car? She burned her mouth on the exhaust."
"When do the leaves begin to turn? The night before a test."
"How many McDonald's counter girls does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and one to put some chips with it."
"Just been chatting on Skype to a young lady who lives in Wales, she's asked me to come and visit her...this weekend I'm off to Bangor."