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Joke of the Day

"Someone was taken down to the police station after they were caught drinking vodka from a coffee cup while driving. They took a mug shot."

"U once broke ur toe? I once broke my foot. U had a baby? I had 2 babies. U have a bad back? I have a bad front. I can do this all day, btw."

"A good looking girl waved at me today... but there was no way I was swimming out that far to save her."

"What did the ant say when he walked into the insurance office? Insure ants?"

"Loses house keys. Builds new house."

"Interviewer: ""Your resume says you're paranoid."" Me: ""My resume has been talking behind my back?"""

"I say no to gay marriage. It'll end up leading to gay divorce, and that'll be bitchy."

"[NSFW] What did the sperm say to the egg? Cum with me if you want to live."

"Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint."

"What's yellow has long ears and grows on trees? The Easter Bunana!"